Skiing since 2001.

I went skiing today.

The last time I went was just about 10 years ago.

The snow is still cold, the mountains still big.

My Desire

Mariposa Grove

"Take delight in the Lord,

and He will give you your heart's desires"

Psalms 37:4

Climbers Trail to Wawona Dome

"Whom have I in Heaven but You?

I desire You more than anything on earth."

Psalms 73:25

Mi Pepino.

When I was 20 years old I moved to Santa Barbara, Honduras.

I lived at a home for children, Hogar de Niños.

That was the year of mi Pepino.

Nahum was his given name, but mi Pepino was his special name. I'm not even sure how I came to call him my cuccumber. I just did. He never seemed to mind either, he would call me silly names too but none of them stuck on me like pepino did for him.

I remember one day we were laying on the benches in the court yard between the buildings. We were not really talking, we were simply sharing the love language of quality time. Then the little guy pipes up and asks me, "Sonya, what are we doing?" I replied, "Nada". Then without missing a beat he says, "In that case we must be pirates." He was referring to the pirates who don't do anything from Veggie Tales! Ah, what a kid. So smart and quick.

If you asked him his favorite book of the bible: Nahum. He liked that it talked about fighting and warrior things.

Another time he was playing with the other little boys in my room and they were pretending that my monkey was flying because they had seen a video clip from another volunteer that had a monkey flying across my the screen. I remember him asking me if he could have my monkey. I told him no because it was my special monkey that I had gotten when I was younger and I took it everywhere with me but that he was welcome to come to my room anytime and play with it.

There was a time when he and some other boys spent the night camped out on our bedroom floor and he woke up with nightmares. He had been having scary dreams about snakes. After he woke up several times I had him climb in bed and lay next to me for awhile until he wasn't so scared. He was awake for such a long time and the dreams had been so real for him.

One night some short term volunteers had given out glow bracelets to the kids. The little boys promptly went to their rooms and proceeded to open the glow sticks and splatter the glow all over themselves, their walls, their beds and anything else near by. The room looked awesome, the kids looked crazy and the event was an epic moment in letting children be children for me. After all it was non toxic and wouldn't show up after the glow died.

In the spring before I left was Mother's Day. Since most of the children at the elementary school were from the home that didn't leave them many mothers. Most of the children were not true orphans but mi Pepino and his three sisters were. I remember him asking me if I could come down to the school to watch their little performance for the mothers. After they recited their poem he found me and gave me a card with my name on it and saying how he loved me. He wanted me to be there so he could show me he cared.

When the sad day came for me to leave, I put off packing until all the kids had gone to bed for the night. The longer I could pretend it wasn't happening the better it would be for me and my denial. I knew I would never be the same because of the love the children gave me, but I certainty would never be the same because of the love mi Pepino gave me.

I wanted Nahum to know how much I loved him and how much he changed me. I wasn't sure what to do for several days, in fact when I finally thought of what I needed to do I argued with myself about it. Finally on my last night I realized I already knew the best answer. I needed to give him something I loved, something I valued and he knew I valued. My monkey.

It was 4 am the morning I left Santa Barbara, Honduras and I quietly walked to the little boys room. I opened the door and went over to his bed, the bed that I had been to many times over the last year. That night the boys had slept over at one of the ladies house who was in charge of the home. His bed was empty as I placed my monkey on his pillow. I knew he would find it in the morning after I was gone and I prayed that he would know that I loved him and would think of him often. It was then that my tears fell, they fell as I turned and walked out that door to the waiting truck that would take me to the airport and back to America. I changed that year. I grew, and I loved.

The greatest thing we can do is love people, to love them without concern of it being returned.

*This blog was inspired by the fact that Nahum is now halfway through high school and he has a facebook account. When I was there we barley had internet and we used floppy disks. Apparently he is still growing up even if I'm not there to watch him grow. I had heard he still has the monkey. I wonder if it still means something to him after all this time? I wonder. . .

Hackers.

Once upon a time I was roommates with Andrea Keele.

(Andrea is on the far left)

I was a member of Myspace before she was and so I would use her computer to log in and check out all the cool stuff Myspace had to offer. Since I never worried about her logging in to check her non existent myspace account I never really logged off. . . until the summer she got an account and the hacking commenced.

This is the blog she (along with her brother Donnie Keele) wrote with my name:

It seems this happens more to me than anyone else. I mean, have you ever met someone and its just like so natural. Its almost as if when you look into their eyes that time seems to slow down. And in that moment you seem to learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible. *sigh* I dont know. Maybe nobody understands...maybe nobody ever will. But these feelings, they are so strong. I cannot deny them. And so here I sit. I stare at a blank wall, but it is not the wall I see, but painting of life. So full of color and passion. So full of energy and happiness. So full of joy and spontenaity. And so I stare at this wonderful photograph upon my wall. I love photographs. And now I see things a little more clearly. Some things are just meant to be. Yes, now I know what it is I have to do...

This is the about me stuff she added:

I am me. I love thunderstorms, and feeling the wind in my hair. I love gazing at stars, and holding hands, chasing butterflies. You might find me flying a kite, blowing bubbles, and finger-painting daisies and waterfalls. The only thing I fear is fear itself. The only thing I hate is hate itself. If I could be an animal, I would be a cuddly puppy. If I were a vegetable, I would be a bright, red cherry tomato. When I grow up, I want to be an astronaut and save the world. There are no substitutes for La Sonya.

I've got to hand it to her at least she's a good writer.

Friend to the trail in the woods.

As I walked outside the door I was greeted by darkness.

Unable to see the path in front of me I walked slowly and cautiously.

Knowing the darkness would not always be there

I gave it time and I gave it space, I wanted to see past the darkness.

As I walked outside the door I was met by a half moon.

Only slightly able to see the path in front of me I took bolder steps.

Knowing the path and seeing more of its turns and twists

I was becoming more familiar with the path, I wanted to call it friend.

As I walked outside the door I was welcomed by the snow and the moon.

My eyes had been opened to a clear trail, an open path.

Knowing and seeing past the darkness, and reveling in it's character

I had seen the difference, I had walked through the change and now I understood it's beauty.

I had become a friend to the trail in the woods.

Growing Up.

I am growing up.

I've realized this recently as I bought my ticket home to Texas for my high school reunion.

I used to be afraid of getting older and not accomplishing the average goals for one my age. But not any more. I've embraced it and I am championing the world of living where God sends me. Well, maybe not championing it but at least boldly living it.

Tonight I was watching a show and as the intro names were coming on I saw one that looked familiar. Devon Sawa. Upon further investigation I realized who he was in the show. Hmmm, he does look familiar. Who was he?

He was none other than Junior from Little Giants.

Oh what a little girl crush I had on him!

And he's alive and still doing what he loves. He's growing up. I'm growing up too.

But think about it, this guy, this Devon Sawa, is my age (okay I just looked it up and he's older than me) But the point is he was a kid around the same time, or he played a kid, around the same time I was a kid and now he's an adult.

So see it is possible to grow up and be successful and live your dream. He was a child star, sure, but he's doing okay in life. He's in a TV show that's doing well. He has given me hope.

Take hope because if some child actor can grow up and still act than I can grow up too and still do what I love.

See I was once little and cute.

Now I'm growing up, just like the trees.

These are the days of our lives.

I made hot chocolate mix the other day from scratch. I had to sift cocoa powder, when I was done I had chocolate boogers.

I ran down to the stop sign and back in a little over 3o min.

I am helping with summer camp prep and that makes me think it's summer time.

I baked muffins with Cheerios.

I baked muffins with Raisin Bran.

I baked cookies with Cheerios.

I baked cookies with Raisin Bran.

I bought a plane ticket home to Texas in March for my high school reunion. I can't wait to see all my old friends and their new additions to their families. To relive all our old high school jokes, to tell stories and look at pictures. It's going to be epic.

I've been learning a lot about waiting on God. It seems as though this process has been slow but that is how it sometimes feels when one is waiting.

I've learned to enjoy the slow days and embrace the quietness.

I went to the Worlds Agriculture Expo in Tulare, California and drove all sorts of cool stuff.

I learned to weld and plan on making something cool before camp starts.

I've enjoyed many outings in the forest by myself. It's given me time to think about my future, express myself to God and see many things that I wouldn't have seen if I had waited for someone to go with me.

Yesterday I built a fire down at Indian Camp and hung out by it for hours by myself. Well, I should say I was intentional about being with God during that time. After all the sermon was about quality time.

I told the children's story yesterday in church. I talked about Duplicat and the time he went missing for a few days. It tied in with how Duplicat showed love after being rescued by spending quality time with me as we climbed a mountain.

I've spent time with friends (I'm not always alone out here), watching movies, TV shows, hiking to the face of Wawona Dome, playing games, eating food, cooking food and walking and talking.

These days have been good. These days are going to get even better.

Plus Kimberly is coming to visit again soon.

(which means I can take another picture with her because

I think this is the only one I have where I

am not making a face or she is not making a face.)

My open heart.

How shall I go in peace and without sorrow?

Nay, not without a wound in the spirit shall I leave this city.

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and aloneness without regret?

Too many fragments of the spirit have I scattered in these streets, and too many are the children of my longing that walk naked among these hills, and I cannot withdraw from them without a burden and an ache.

It is not a garment I cast off this day but a skin that I tear with my own hands.

Nor is it a thought I leave behind me, but a heart made sweet with hunger and thirst.

Yet I cannot tarry longer. The sea calls all things unto her, calls me, and I must embark.

For to stay, though the hours burn in the night, it to freeze and crystallize and be bound in a mould.

Fain would I take with me all that is here. But how shall I?

A voice cannot carry the tongue and the lips that gave it wings. Alone must it seek either.

~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

This is not okay.

I am from Texas. I grew up just a short 20 minute drive from Dallas. I have friends who live in Dallas now. The things this video says are not okay. They should not be true, but they are.

Spread the word.

Let's stop modern day slavery in AMERICA.

Natalie Grant and Tenth Avenue North PSA for Traffick 911 from Nate Bernard on Vimeo.