Couch Rock

I went up to couch rock last night. It's one of the highest points on camp, I went to look at the stars and to remember my God and where He has brought me. I could look over the entire camp and hear voices of Spanish and English wafting up in droves from Spanish Campmeeting, I could hear their music still playing late into the night after their meeting. As I looked up into the night sky to find my place in this universe, I realized I was lost. I couldn't find my place, I could only find one of the Dippers. I didn't see the normal stars that guide me, that show me I'm home. It was really unsettling. I am used to looking up and knowing the place of everything, which direction to turn to see what and how far to the left or right to turn. But last night I felt confused, lost and out of place. It was actually quite scary and uncomfortable. As the sliver of moon set the night sky became brighter and the stars more radiant I was able to calm down and focus. Eventually I was able to find Cassiopeia and Corona Borealis. But what about my favorites? What about the stars that I make me feel at home, in a safe place, loved and comfortable? Where are Orion, Pleiades, Taurus and Little Bear? How am I to feel like I belong here if I don't know where I am?
I hope to spend more time out on the couch, looking to the heavens. It's there that I can take my thoughts to God, thoughts that only He can help with, thoughts that only He can and should hear, thoughts that He will understand. Thoughts that I fear to share.

Tonight I am still a bit lost and a bit scared, but I know that the stars will get brighter, the sky will turn more familiar and that the Creator will comfort me while I am searching for my place in the universe.