Tears Dried on My Cheeks
I can still feel the tightness where my tears have dried on my cheeks. My eyes sting when I close them. It’s been one of those nights. Liz and I worked another night shift. We slept, or I should say I slept on the examining table in the temporary ER while Liz worked with the patients all night. When the evening started, Sara came over to tell us the little generator could be turned on for an hour to charge things, Hallelujah! So when I got the chance I dashed over to check my email which was the first in a while. The emails I got were good, but some make me quite emotional so when I got back to the ER and the new admit was finished and sent to their new bed I cried to Liz. Nothing terrible I just needed to let my emotions out. As the night wore on we realized sleep would not be as plentiful as before. We had several admits as well as patients who needed extra attention. The one patient who Liz worked with was a young 22 year old with heart problems. When she came 4 days before, she was a referral from another hospital, she was pregnant. The baby was born healthy a few days after the mother came in to our hospital. But now 3 days of no sleep and having to sit up so she can breathe the mother is fighting for her life.
That night Liz wasn’t able to find a blood pressure for her and yet we could see her jugular vein pumping at a furious pace. The new father had already paid all the money he had with him to take care of the birth and other meds the mother needed. He had no more cash on him. I awoke that night to hear Liz talking with him as he put his only sleeping mat he had with him on garage, that’s where you give your item to count as money. The father and husband had already given his bike on garage. He was out of options. Liz told him he could just take in his mat in the morning, she trusted him she said. I then drifted back off to sleep. During the night Liz had gone over to James to find out what else she could do for the woman who was so obviously fighting for life. It was close to two in the morning when Liz came over to where I was asleep on the examining table to ask me to go with her as she gave a med to the woman. Liz told me that this drug that James prescribed would either help her to live, or it would help her to die. Liz was afraid to do it alone, and I can’t blame her. I got up and went with her, the drug was to be given every 15 minutes and we gave it two her twice before she died.
It was awful. All that new mother wanted to do was to live and watch her baby grow, she wanted to have more babies for her husband, she wanted to fight and she fought as best as she could. There was absolutely nothing more we could have done for her; she was going to die eventually because of lack of other things to give her. As I stood there in the middle of that room while the family was finishing cleaning the body I saw the woman who was taking care of the newborn, she was strapped to the back as the woman worked. I felt like the grim reaper standing there with the gurney to move her out with. That morning after the sun had come up a bit Liz and I sat in the ER and looked out our window and saw the new father and new widower sitting on the bench in the cold just huddled up. He sat their for a long time. He came in to try and finish paying for everything and bring back the drugs that weren’t used. Liz told him to not worry about it, everything was paid for. He came asking also what to do about his baby, how was he to feed it? There wasn’t anyone in his family who could nurse the baby. He just had a look of helplessness about him; his eyes were red and sad. It just broke our hearts. How in this place where men beat their wives, have more than one and simply divorce because they don’t care could this one man who DID CARE loose his wife and be left with only a very newborn in his care. It was a very sad shift. When they took the body out both Liz and I went outside to stand in respect of the woman. And the tears came and dried on my cheeks.
That night Liz wasn’t able to find a blood pressure for her and yet we could see her jugular vein pumping at a furious pace. The new father had already paid all the money he had with him to take care of the birth and other meds the mother needed. He had no more cash on him. I awoke that night to hear Liz talking with him as he put his only sleeping mat he had with him on garage, that’s where you give your item to count as money. The father and husband had already given his bike on garage. He was out of options. Liz told him he could just take in his mat in the morning, she trusted him she said. I then drifted back off to sleep. During the night Liz had gone over to James to find out what else she could do for the woman who was so obviously fighting for life. It was close to two in the morning when Liz came over to where I was asleep on the examining table to ask me to go with her as she gave a med to the woman. Liz told me that this drug that James prescribed would either help her to live, or it would help her to die. Liz was afraid to do it alone, and I can’t blame her. I got up and went with her, the drug was to be given every 15 minutes and we gave it two her twice before she died.
It was awful. All that new mother wanted to do was to live and watch her baby grow, she wanted to have more babies for her husband, she wanted to fight and she fought as best as she could. There was absolutely nothing more we could have done for her; she was going to die eventually because of lack of other things to give her. As I stood there in the middle of that room while the family was finishing cleaning the body I saw the woman who was taking care of the newborn, she was strapped to the back as the woman worked. I felt like the grim reaper standing there with the gurney to move her out with. That morning after the sun had come up a bit Liz and I sat in the ER and looked out our window and saw the new father and new widower sitting on the bench in the cold just huddled up. He sat their for a long time. He came in to try and finish paying for everything and bring back the drugs that weren’t used. Liz told him to not worry about it, everything was paid for. He came asking also what to do about his baby, how was he to feed it? There wasn’t anyone in his family who could nurse the baby. He just had a look of helplessness about him; his eyes were red and sad. It just broke our hearts. How in this place where men beat their wives, have more than one and simply divorce because they don’t care could this one man who DID CARE loose his wife and be left with only a very newborn in his care. It was a very sad shift. When they took the body out both Liz and I went outside to stand in respect of the woman. And the tears came and dried on my cheeks.
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