La Sonya

I've been thinking about this for over a week now. I lied. I didn't tell a falsehood, so to speak, it wasn't a 'story' that I made up to get out of trouble. It isn't an incriminating lie. I lied though. What is the lie? The lie is me. It is me hiding behind a mask. I've always been loud and proud about the fact that I don't hide my emotions. I am open and honest with what I feel. Which is true, but not really. I might be open with the emotions, only they are the emotions I choose to be open with. I don't always tell what I am thinking. No way. I definitely don't always show what I truly feel. I don't tell what I have going on inside and I don't let others in on the inside scoop either. I realized this recently. I don't know what I will do with this realization. I don't think I will change? Is it fear of rejections? Is it fear of pain? Is it fear? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Winter came down to our home one night Quietly pirouetting in on silvery-toed slippers of snow, And we, we were children once again. ~Bill Morgan, Jr.

Snow A stable job Family Nature/Yosemite Colour Memories Friends-near and far Sledding Laughter Hope/promise of a future with God Dirt bikes Playing with the boys The God connection-having friends world wide Skype Learning new things Rachel V. Andreak. Memories of my Grandma Tall socks Books French Spanish Rosetta Stone Cameras Costumes Swahili Camp (Summer & Winter) Vegan food Sneaky vegan food Paulette and her nice teaching skills Candles Scarves Mittens Tea Texas pride Heaven Giant Down Blankets Music Photos Trips Friends visiting Psalms Love Hope of Love Sweaters Christmas Snow (again :) Choices Flowers Hot Tubs Home-made Pop-tarts Cooking with friends Fatty Mariposa Trees Slippers Diversity Camping out Camp fires Umachas to sleep in at Indian Camp Contentedness Trains Stick-shift automobiles Games with family and friends Uno Battleship Sunlight Moonlight Night hikes Snow paths Stars Orion Pleides Dresses North Face gear Smartwool Boots Beaches No electricity Mi Hermano Dancin

The day of action of thanks. I like the way it goes in Spanish. I have my personal traditions of writing my list of 100 things I am thankful for. It all started when I was living in Honduras. I wanted to share Thanksgiving with my German friends, so after the meal that the Hogar made for the Americans and the rest of the home, the 6 of us SMs went and sat around and shared our lists of at least 10 things. Since then it has been a tradition! I've spent Thanksgiving in many different place with many different people but I'm always thankful for so much. Here is my list from last year, 2009 . I have lists that go back to Honduras in 2003 but not with me. I just love taking some time to think about what I am thankful for. It's important. Also this year I was thinking back to where I was for the last few years at Thanksgiving time, here are a few stories from last year and when I was in Tchad . So many stories and so many things to be thankful for. We really are blessed. I know i

Awhile ago Liz came up for a visit. Jerrod and Anthony said they would take us shooting out in the backwoods, so we went into the Sierra National Forest and played in the snow. It was a fun adventure and the woods are simply beautiful. Since words are cheap I'll just post a few pictures from Liz. Yes I have a gun in my back pocket. Liz shows a little fear, but I show confidence. After the evening adventure, we pause for a moment to . . . show our best side. A magical place, a magical sunset, and a magical frien d.

Taken on Tioga pass. Snow, snow, snow!!! Snow, snow, snow! The holiday season can start now! The sledding season can start now! Snow! I love the look of white covering everything. I love the crunch of it under my feet. I love the way they flutter to the ground, cover my hair, tickle my eyelashes. I love snow. I'm from Texas, we didn't have things like this when I was a kid. So give me a break and send in the snow! On top of this mountain across from my house in Norway.

Anthony Handal met The Faculty. Then Anthony announced, "I have rabies!!!!!" The Faculty responded unanimously, "We will be your loyal subjects". Then they danced a jig at the barn party.

Oh boy. What a weekend! Liz came up to Yosemite to visit, Eunice and Ali B came to visit and Paster Don came to visit. I like it when people come and find rest here. As I knew would happen my weekend with Liz consisted of many good things. Reminiscing about Tchad, baking, from the heart conversations, insight from God and of course laughter. We baked apple muffins, Friday, and a vegan quiche, Sabbath. Both of which turned out yummy. (did you expect anything but yummy?) Liz is my kitchen inspiration. She always knows what to do for a substitution or to make something better or even just random recipes off the top of her head. We took a long walk to the library to return my books, climbed up the Chillinaunadkvionsdov falls on a grand adventure. Jumped from rock to rock, shimmed up cracks between rocks and enjoyed the overall beauty of my little Wawona vally. We forged a swollen south fork of the Merced balancing precariously on the edge of rocks. Stepping unknown onto a rock covered in i

Why is there fear in the letting go? Am I afraid of the lack of control? That's it, I have to do this. I have to let go. No more plans for my future, No more pleas for my way, I want to let go and live in today. The truth brings hurt, She causes me pain. She doesn't match up with my 'dreams' I kept waiting for the wake up jolt. The wake up came and Stabbed me with pain. I'm letting go and living in today. No more plans for my future, No more pleas for my way, I have to let go and live in today. God now has free reign of my plans. I won't be the back seat driver, The one who makes the calls. It's not in my hands anymore. I've let go.

Emily is in Tchad and she finally posted something . I'll be honest when I was reading it my heart started racing and I was instantly transported there. I know what it's like to return to a place like that. Six months after I left the Hogar de Ninos in Honduras I found myself on a plane going back to visit for three weeks. There really is nothing better than going 'home' to a place you had thought you would never see again. I remember the feelings of wanting to jump off of the plane and run through the airport to find my friends. Then once I was on the REACH bus headed to el Hogar, I remember talking the WHOLE 2 hours with one of the girls from the home, the excitement was oozing out of me, and once the bus pulled into the gate of the hogar I ran out and up the hill into the arms of all the beautiful children. The feeling was amazing. Something akin to what I think heaven will be like. It was magnificent to touch and talk to all the kids again, to see their faces, when

Sometimes I'm just happy. For no real reason. I don't know where I'll be in a year, I'm not in love, the work day starts early, I still have lots of loans to pay, I live in a tiny square and I still have to go into the walk in freezer. Yet I'm happy. My heart is full and I have a song in my heart. How is that? How does it happen that more often than not I am simply happy? Is it a deep choice? a result of B-12? It is something complicated that I clearly don't understand. Honest, I'm happy without a monumental reason. I love life, I have an exciting unknown future, a job I love, fun coworkers/neighbors, I live inside a beautiful forest saturated with evidence of God's love for me and I wake up everyday. Sometimes I think I'm on drugs or crazy. How is it that there is so much chirpiness inside wanting to burst out of my every pore? I must be crazy. Does this happen to you? Am I alone in all of this?