Monday, November 29, 2010

I lied.

I've been thinking about this for over a week now.
I lied.
I didn't tell a falsehood, so to speak, it wasn't a 'story' that I made up to get out of trouble.
It isn't an incriminating lie.

I lied though.

What is the lie?
The lie is me.
It is me hiding behind a mask.
I've always been loud and proud about the fact that I don't hide my emotions. I am open and honest with what I feel. Which is true, but not really. I might be open with the emotions, only they are the emotions I choose to be open with. I don't always tell what I am thinking. No way. I definitely don't always show what I truly feel. I don't tell what I have going on inside and I don't let others in on the inside scoop either.

I realized this recently. I don't know what I will do with this realization.

I don't think I will change?

Is it fear of rejections?
Is it fear of pain?
Is it fear?

Yes.
Yes.
Yes.