Understanding Sonya

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This is a note on how to help understand the things that are going to come in the weeks that follow.

In the next few weeks I may not be seeming to be my normal self.

I don't say goodbye well. 

When it comes to packing up I will find any and every excuse to not do it. I will put it off and wait until I am a few hours from leaving to pack. Understand that it's hard for me to leave.

I haven't been able to talk much about leaving to those I love here. I change the subject so as to not allow the liquid to pool up in my eyes. Yesterday alone I almost started crying twice. I know it's coming but I don't know how to accept it.

I'm a normal teacher and excited about summer break but at the same time I don't want to let go of my students. I want to keep on teaching them, encouraging them and being there with them. Cleaning up my classroom means I am leaving and saying goodbye. I just don't do it well.

I'm trying to be strong and brave about this but I feel the impending clouds coming. I feel the afore mentioned liquid brimming in my eyes.

I get overwhelmed easily with the task of putting most of my life into boxes, especially when I know I wont see the contents for some time (who needs to take so many books and sweaters to Cambodia?). I don't know where to start because I know that with packing there will be chaos in my room and piles of things that need to be put somewhere. Packing overwhelms me.

It's been a long time since I've had to pack everything up. I am hoping I have grown since then, at least a little bit. But in that mean time I think my roots may have grown deeper in this soil and pulling them up will be impossible. Oakhurst has been a good place, a place I love.

So to understand me know this: I need encouragement when you see me packing. I need someone to sit near by and refocus me when I put off. Help me figure out how to say goodbye.

But also know that if I step out of the room, look up and blink repeatedly, make funny jokes or want to hang out at random times it's because I'm struggling at saying goodbye.

Comments

Diwakar said…
Hello laSonya. I am a Pastor from Mumbai, india. I am glad to go through your blog post which has mixed feelings of saying good bye. It seems leaving students with the summer break seems hard for you as the same time packing up things for Cambodia missions trip is exciting. I am blessed and feel privileged and honored to get connected with you as well as know you through your profile on the blogger and the blog post because of who you are in the Lord Jesus Christ and your love of missions and interest in Youth. I have been in the Pastoral ministry for last 37 yrs int his great city of MUMBAI a city with a great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reach out to the poorest of poor with the love of Christ to bring healing to the broken hearted. We also encourage young and the adults from the west to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. We would love to have you come to Mumbai with your friends in the following summer to work with us during your vacation time. i am sure you will have life changing experience. God willing I will be coming to the States in the month of July and specially in California by the end of July and will be so happy to meet you if you are interested in missions trip to Mumbai, india following summer. My email id is: dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name Diwakar Wankhede. God's richest blessings on you, your family and friends and also wishing you a blessed and a Christ centered rest of the year 2016
May 29, 2016 at 9:09 PM
Marilee said…
Oh Sonya, you do write elegantly. Oh how I wish that I could be there to help you. What an amazing, talented lady whose students have been forever blessed. They will retell again and again what you did with them, what they learned and how much you loved them. Now kids in Cambodia God will bless through you. You have touched so many lives (including mine) and will impact so many more. May you sense God's nearness and direction as you once again follow His leading.
June 5, 2016 at 7:20 PM
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