I found myself looking for all my extra courage today.
I've graduated from the little moped bike to the one Kerry has been using. It's a manual bike. It's roughly the same size as the black moped bike, only it rides much different. I have to pay attention to the gears and shift up and down with my left foot. I have to break with my right food as well as my right hand all the while remembering the throttle in the same hand. I have to look around for drivers, pot holes and landmarks to know where to turn.
The thing is, it's hard. I enjoy being pushed to grow and learn. I often volunteer for new things. I like learning languages, leading groups of people and being the first to try something. This however is pushing me a lot. I want to stay in my comfortable zone of push bike. It's hard going out to the village on my own. I have a great coach here in Phnom Penh but he can't do it for me, he can't ride me out there. I am having to summon up all my courage and ride out there on my own because I have to.
I'm working on keeping my chin up and sights on the future but today I struggled. Today I went out to Taskor for the first time on the bigger bike and I wanted to be back where it was easy. I didn't want to learn something new. I wanted my comfort zone.
Nothing much more to say than that. An honest confession that I am not always brave, I am not always optimistic and sometimes I'd rather just not.