A Rough Day

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Thanksgiving's come and gone! I can hardly believe it. It seems like I just got here but now it’s almost Christmas. Next month starts the down hill descent. It only picks up more speed from here on out!

Quite often I have found my mind wondering to the future. What’ll I be doing? Where will I be living? Things like that. I hate how I never feel settled for more than a year because then the whole year I am always wondering and thinking about what I’ll be doing next year. Are we ever content with where we are?

Monday, November 26, 2007

Why do I just want to crawl under a desk and hide so I can have a good cry? It’s right there waiting, always on the verge. I must need it because last week I dreamt that I was weeping and I woke up with tears streaming down my face and I just lay there and let them fall, and let myself slowly stop sobbing.

I couldn’t communicate with a worker here, and it made me feel angry. I don’t think it would have been any easier if we both spoke the same language. There are two many excuses that the kept giving for not having done his job right. What am I to do? I’m not sure what exactly my job is – I just a point myself. Then if it’s my job altogether why does it feel like I’m not trusted? Why don’t they explain everything I’m supposed to do here?

I’m frustrated because I don’t feel like I have a regular job. Liz knows when and where and how long she works, Hans knows the classes he teaches and I make it up as I go. . . But right now I want to know, to do my job fully and not need to wait for other people. I want to feel like I’m done at the end of the day like I did something. Not at the end of the day that I’ve just sat around waiting for Liz to take a break so I can talk to someone or wait for her to get off work so I can know my day is over too.

This is my frustration now. Maybe it’s leftover malaria. Malaria always makes me a bit depressed because I’m always tired and not doing anything, then with quinine it makes me sick so I still don’t do anything. Last week I would take a pm nap a lot or just sit in the house.

It’s just been a rough day, don’t worry I haven’t given up yet. I still cling to and trust God more than ever.

**feel free to post a Bible text that encourages you when you feel this way. That way everyone will be encouraged not just me!**

Comments

Matt Marsh said…
Dear Sonya,
Being a missionary is more than just a job title. That’s just the excuse that we use to be there. The real reason for missionary work is to leave in the minds of the people we come in contact with an impression that you have something that makes you different from others. Spilling Jesus on someone doesn’t need a job title. The people come and go, and are here and there. You may never know whom you spilled Jesus on today, but He saw it. That was His assignment for you today. “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do His good pleasure” Phil 2:13

You all are making a big difference there, and it is exciting and encouraging to the rest of us to see what the Lord is doing.

Prayers and blessings to you all,

Matt
November 28, 2007 at 3:12 PM
EMILY STAR said…
Dear Sonya, you don't know me, but my name is Emily Wilkens. I've been looking at all of your blogs over there in chad because next year I am hoping to go there too. I am really inspired with what you guys are doing and I love your writing and how genuine it is. You have purpose there for sure. I can see it shooting out through the screen of my computer. Keep taking every moment you are there and being a missionary in that moment...but realize that all you have to do is be yourself because you are a testimony of the LIGHT! Don't feel like you have no purpose, beacuse in just being you, God who lives in you is seen. i'm really excited about what you guys are doing. Keep working hard. I can see how it might be hard in the position you are in. You seem very creative though and i can tell you'll carve your place there just fine. I wish you the best and know we will be praying for you guys at the Bere Hospital. Sincerely, Emily Wilkens

"In everything he did he had great success because the Lord was with him." ~1st Samuel 18:14
November 28, 2007 at 6:29 PM
Anonymous said…
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path."

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Peace and joy will be changed to purpose and passion in my prayers for you. I'm soooo proud of you. I saw Jeff and Shawna and they are both so excited that you will be coming back this summer.

prayers, encouragments, and hugs,
Rachel
November 29, 2007 at 8:30 PM
Anonymous said…
My dearest friend!!
Iam having a rough time myself right now. I totally understand your need of crying. Iam crying a lot for myself, too. Because of all that i couldnt sleep the other night, so i started to read Deuteronomy because a friend had recommended that to me.
I found a really nice promise:
"Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in egypt and in the desert. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." 1, 29-31
Wow, that gave me so much rest and peace in my heart.
God is faithful. Didnt he bring us through so many desert times in the past? Didnt he carry us as a father carries his child?
Yes, he promised to do so in the future, too. He is here with us to carry us as a father carries his child.
Yes, sonya, Our Jesus is there with you. He is going to fight for you, cause you are his precious daughter and he is going to carry you through the desert as a father carries his child!!
Love you
praying for you
Alexa
December 2, 2007 at 5:10 AM
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