risk the encounter.

'noise insulates us from the silence that exposes us to encounters with self and God,

and to the voice of the Spirit that groans within us in ways we may not control.

to choose silence is to risk that encounter'

~marilyn mcentyre

The Valley.

I've spent several weeks of days off by myself lately. At first I wasn't a bit happy about that. I like people, I like to talk, I like quality time-even if it's silent time, I'm afraid of thinking to much and people help me not to get lost in my thoughts. But I've come to realize that it's been good for me to spend time alone with God in my ponderings.

I've had a lot on my mind.

I have been learning to wait on God while I've been trudging around the beautiful park I live in. It's here that I've been able to wait. To "sit" in the waiting room. While there I've found enjoyment in taking photographs. These are some of them.

Baking.

I love to bake. I love baking cookies, cakes, pastries, cupcakes, loafs. . . (well not so much a loaf) but I do love to bake.

It's fun to mix all the sugar, flour (whole and wheat) with butter, egg substitute and spices. I enjoy tasting the batter, the dough and the filling. I am not a big fan of rolling out dough or cutting it to the right shape but I enjoy filling it with goodies or pouring it into fun cake pans.

What makes the difference between cooking and baking is the part where I put the item into theoven.

Ahhh. It is here that I learn to rest. To wait. To clean up my dishes -- because I have the time. Usually there is plenty of time to clean up and sit and wait. It is in this waiting that I can relax. There is nothing more I can do to the dough, batter or filling. It is wait time. Just wait.

I think I like it because I struggle with the waiting part in my personal life. I have a hard time putting everything I have been working on with God in my life into His hands. All my education, my heart, my jobs, my passion, my wants for a future, my friendships and my hopes are all mixed up in the bowl, poured into the cake pan and given to God to bake and now I sit and wait. It's wait time. Just wait.

Andrew Murray, in his book, Waiting on God, has so many wonderful things to say that encourage me to wait.

• Let the heart wait at times in perfect silence and quiet; in its hidden depths God will work. Be sure of this, and just wait on Him. Give your whole heart, with its secret workings, into God's hands continually. 46

• This is the blessedness of waiting upon God, that it takes our eyes and thoughts away from ourselves. 47

• Nothing was ever so sure as that waiting on God will bring us untold and unexpected blessing. 40

• Resting in Him is nothing but being silent unto Him, still before Him. Having our thoughts and wishes, our fears and hopes, hushed into calm and quite in that great peace of God which passes all understanding. 52

So bake away God, I will be here waiting to know what to do next.

Burn us up.

Calmly facing the furnace, they said, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. If it be so [if this is your decision], our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of thine hand, O king." Their faith strengthened as they declared that God would be glorified by delivering them, and with triumphant assurance born of implicit trust in God, they added, "But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up."

Prophets and Kings pg 508

Take courage friends and let's be bold for God!

*this video is a bit elementary and corny, yet somehow endearing.

Long fingers of light over Half-Dome.

Sunrise over Half-Dome, mid July 2009

"Day breaks in Yosemite with a chorus of song-- the robins are in full voice. The trees sleep on for the winds are not yet awake, and no whisper of gossip is rumored through the sleeping foliage. The sun comes up behind Half-Dome, and long fingers of light feel their way into the valley. It is a smooth warm morning in late June, and as the trees sleep on, the heavens become alive with great puffy clouds, which commence to wander aimlessly across the blue sky."

~Enid Michael 1941

Attitude-Awareness-Authenticity

I've been reminded a lot lately to enjoy the simple things in life, to enjoy the moment right now for what it is and to be real. This talk inspires me more.

3 people from the past.

If three people from your past came on a TV show to surprise you, who would they be and what would you say?

1. The first boyfriend.

Because of him I have grown. I am where I am because of him

I wish you could see me now

I wish I could show you how

I'm not who I was

I learned how to love the outdoors,

I met people who have become an active part of my life

I used to be mad at you

A little on the hurt side too

It's because of you that I know the deep pain of rejection,

I have experienced deep loss,

But I can relate to others on a deeper level now.

But I'm not who I was

I found my way around

To forgiving you

Some time ago

But I never got to tell you so

I was thinking maybe I

I should let you know

I am not the same

But I never did forget your name

Well the thing I find most amazing

In amazing grace

Is the chance to give it out

Maybe that's what love is all about

I wish you could see me now

I wish I could show you how

I'm not who I was*

2. Suzie

She was an older friend from my first real job, outside of school, as a teenager. We worked together at the same retirement home that my grandparents worked at 5 years earlier, we had known each other then but not very well. We worked in the kitchen together and she always encouraged me in my job and listened to my stories of adventure from school. Her opinion of my work ethic was important to me.

When on the show I would ask her, “Am I okay? Did I do alright so far?” Somehow her opinion of me always mattered. Maybe because she knew my grandparents and thought highly of them. Maybe because she was a hard worker and I wanted to work hard too. Maybe because I also wonder if she ever saw Jesus in me.

3. 9 year old Sonya

For a child she had a lot going on in her mind. She wanted to be liked by people, she didn’t understand why the boys liked Michael Anne and not her, she wanted people to be her friend and she wanted to work at camp (okay that wasn’t an every day thought but going to camp and re-telling camp stories was an every day event). She didn’t brush her hair very often because it hurt too much; she played in the dirt at recess and got in trouble for it. She was a carefree spirit and enjoyed her free style imagination and played in it often with little fear of the future.

I don’t know if I would actually tell 9 year old Sonya anything. I think I would rather ask her questions. I would ask her what she wants to do when she grows up, I would play in the dirt with her, I would listen to her fears of being left out and I would enjoy her lack of inhibitions and I would enjoy her large imagination.

These are the three people I would meet, these are the things I would say or do with them.

What about you?

Who would you meet?

What would you say?

*I'm not who I was, by Brandon Heath

Always winter.

photo by me. the path to the swinging bridge.

"But courage, child: we are all between the paws of the true Aslan."

— C.S. Lewis (The Chronicles of Narnia)

I baked the cake, now come over.

Here it is.

I did it!

I made it!

It tasted like a cross between a nutter butter cookie and a reeses cup.

Those who ate it said it's a rich man's cake.

There's still some left in the fridge if you come soon you can have a piece,

or I'll save it in the freezer if you promise to come before May 2011.

PS. You'll need to bring your own milk to drink with it.

If I knew you were coming I'da baked a cake.

This is a chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting.

I'm going to attempt to make this.

Thank you smitten kitchen.

New Years Resolution.

My new years resolutions are as follows:

To eat at least one cookie every month.

To laugh extra loud.

To not shower everyday.

To tell people what I like about them.

To stop cutting my fingers in the kitchen at work

And those my friend are what I would call

GREAT new years resolutions.

Hangover.

I think I have a holiday hangover.

I've spent many nights up late. Writing, watching movies, talking, contemplating life with Kimberly, and playing games.

I've eaten my fair share of cookies, peppermint bark and peppermint ice cream.

The results is my holiday hangover. It's hanging-over in my throat and in my tired body.