Safe People

A while back I asked a friend for some good book titles. One of the ones was Safe People by Henry Cloud. I devoured the book and took lots of notes and underlined lots of quotes. I thought I'd immortalize them in the interwebs for the rest of my life. 

Here are a few of them. (I do recommend the book!)

"Safe people, for example, admit their weaknesses. They are humble. And they prove their trustworthiness  over time." Pg28

We grow in part by confessing our faults and weaknesses to each other (James 516; Ecclesiastes 410)

All close relationships hurt, because no perfect people live on the earth. 31

Love, however, depends in part on our ability to own and share our faults. The one who is forgiven much, loves much (Luke 7:47) 36

In a relationship, honesty is bedrock foundation of a safe relationship. 37

We were created for intimacy, to connect with someone with heart, soul, mind. Intimacy occurs and we are open, vulnerable, and honest, for these qualities help us to be close to each other. 41

Both bring their lives, loves, joy, and sorrows to the connection. Each brings her needs- yet has a deep interest in the life of the other person. 44

Empathy is not easy. It involves letting go of your opinion and what you're needing in the relationship so that you can enter the world of the other person, it's only for brief time. 44

It's a connection involves two people trusting, opening up, and being honest with each other. 46

Safe relationships are not just about trust, support, and sharing. They are also about truth, righteousness, and honesty. 49

Forgiveness is the glue of love, making it possible for love to do what it does best to bare all things believe all things hopes all things insure all things 50

Safe people. They guard your trust as if it were money in the bank. They are stable and reliable in their emotional commitment. 55

Love is abiding, timeless, and then changing, just like its author. Find people who love you, and love you well over time, like he does: Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever Hebrews 13:8 56

#8 Harry!!!!! I recognize that one!!!! 56

Safety breeds safety. And safe people make us better people for being around them. 57

Deciding whether a relationship is good for you will take time and some long, hard, coldly objective analysis. 58

How does our self-sufficiency ruin safety? Primarily by preventing us from experiencing our impoverishment. People who "have it together "I'm not hungry, thirsty, for others. They do not feel a lack within when they're alone or in distress. They do not connect with other people, because they do not experience any need for it. 67

Make friends with your needs. Welcome them. They are a gift from God, designed to draw you into relationship with him and with his safe people. Your needs are the cure to the sense of self sufficiency. 67

In a sense matters of the heart are mostly subjective and unconscious, and that's not bad. Soul connections should not always be made on a rational basis. What a boring life that would be! The unconscious part of ourselves has a wisdom of it's own, and in some ways our heart knows what it wants and needs. That is valid. 95

Safe relationship:

1 draws us closer to God

2 draws us closer to others

3 helps us become the real person God created us to be.

143

We need people in our life who will be honest with us, telling us where we are wrong and where we need to change. We need friends that walk according to the truth and live at the principles of God with us. This does not mean that they are not accepting, but it means that they in their expectancy of us they are honest about our faults without condemning us. 146

What many Christians do not understand is that relating to each other is a spiritual activity. 148

And yet God created you to long for attachment, to desire to matter to someone and to "hunger and thirst" for relationship. He made you that way, so that you could know when to seek comfort and connect. 174